i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
