I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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