i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I came so hard my ears popped.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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