remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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