Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
