i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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