Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
