he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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