Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
