everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
