Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
