Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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