My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize