if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
