I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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