i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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