Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
