I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
