Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
