you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Someone came in the potted fern
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
