Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
