He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
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