drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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