dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
