imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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