I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
