Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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