I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
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