her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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