So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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