yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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