what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
