he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
