i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
