then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
