I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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