the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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