Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
