god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
sarcasm needs its own font
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
