Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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