I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
