Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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