It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Text me some of your sweat
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