I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
where am i from again
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
