she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize