So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
