She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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