i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
