Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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