so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
