I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
In other news, I just burned my penis
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize