It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He? As in you personified your dick?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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