I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
