He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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