Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Randomize
