my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
