Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
