can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
