nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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