he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
