it hurts more in the daytime
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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