Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
