i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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