The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
bring money and cleavage
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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