omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
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