I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
