I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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