It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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