If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
the condom got lost in my hair
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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