I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
