Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
