this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
