True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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