I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I will be naked everywhere
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
