I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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