just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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