If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
