Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
