Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
