I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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