My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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