so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
