Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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