thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
