apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i was born a porn star she said
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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