Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
