I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
