How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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