You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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