My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize