They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
