dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
