definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
