note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
