Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
