i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
