I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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