We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
