how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
